When I returned from India…

When I returned from India I was…

Terrorised out of my mind by a people from a land, culture I’d never known; people came to claim and take my soul away a people who I’d never shared a moment of intimacy with. As crazed opportunists, fuelled with spite and enraged with envy they hastened to encroach desolating innocence into a pit of despair that they’d dug from pushing out, hand carved sculpted imprint of depraved terror, fashioned in resentment of self despised image surmised from disparity.

Completely deprived of life; isolated, voided from necessity to notice even a want for food or drink. Malnourished, bound by trauma tied by dissociation to threshold of inflicted starvation in eye sight of materialistic abundance, in land ever so plentiful… with a generosity of ignorance. Here inside rotting mouth blooded teeth needlessly cracked and crumbed; from chapped lip a flag of blood and bone lowered without mast onto filthy urine scented paving slab aside where I paled blue with cold, bone rattling, lay denounced.

Weaved amongst lively sharp blades of malice a serpent of spite inflicted bite, delivered venom of lactic acid secreting to rot tired muscle underneath stretched dry splitting flesh, tremor pains struck at impressions of neglect from cold safe distance of a once warming compassionate conciousness, tired and torn body lain to waste beneath treacherous footprint of malcontent.

Discordant frayed shroud of insidious, undeclared war; woven red thread from wounded line of flowing let blood, netted soul snatched from anaemic shadow of a purged self. Roman soldier of deathly disparity, harvesting desolate souls. Whilst pious high upon white trojan horse; beneath his lowly cretins loot and plunder abruptly interjecting lifelines without whim of mercy; depraved with terror cast from their own recoiled inadequacies.

Butchered these once resonating bones chopped with recoiled blow from blunt axe of primordial foot. Swelling rising mass wrapped inside soiled, caked cloth left outside gluttonous eating trough spitefully cast in namesake of Aphrodite. Forsaken broken love crippled and dejected, brutalised inedible and flagrantly offered unto her from heinous spectre of an ‘all out’ hatred.

Kicked broken face, agony weighted stilling expression, ridicule cited scorn for a glimpse of reaction as sopping relentless rain sought to pale unsightly vividness of acrid contempt. Twelve redundant hours did come to pass, sheltered waiting motionless under florescent light but not sworn oath to Apollo would attempt to fuse this gap between radius bone, pulled apart and wound in deathly cast by polarised neglect; refuted from a time once known to thyself.

Where I woken; hair covered in this human excrement

Hair drenched in slurry of inhumane excrement, deliberate defecation upon sanctity of dream, restless night rolled over disturbed upon troublesome surf of tidal sorrow cast adrift upon stillness of eye. Flies did crawl shadow across moon lit circumference towing repulsive sense of disgust along length of perception as if knowing not the measure of concern.

Recollection mystified grey with offloaded mouthfuls of saliva squirted through black faced bulbous lips; cheered to partying applause from entertaining highs of ITV towers balcony. Fourteen paired wheels peddled creaking detriment, encircling collaborative mockery unabated without slightest obstruction from vaguest sense of passing morality.

Encroacher’s crept upon dream between shadowy passages at death hour of night to reap detrimental abuse onto vulnerable, exposed soul.

History erased as every post occurrence stolen, snatched bodies abducted and torn open in blind search of connection; empty carpet bags set alight on annihilation pyre of bare handed fury.

And I will not forget.

Quotes from myself 2009

I written these between April and December of 2009 when my conciousness was relatively undamaged from trauma, stalking, harassment and all out ritual abuse.

The universe was created by love, so with love it should be embraced, instead of evading life; embrace life and love it for it’s worth.

Arrange your charitable actions into patterns of knowledge, if truth, this knowledge will return to you via karma, life after life.

Everyone is a god and goddess, just not realised; an unrealised facet of god, drop prejudice and ignorance, face god and become realised

Forsaken world, you lovingly admire the quality of your chains, realise that you are all bound into slavery by the national debt you service

God retired, became seed within man so man could grow into a god, affirming unconditional love is to be without so one can be with

My path is devotion and surrender, god transcends all knowledge, knowledge is the study of gods creation, not god, but Maya

Intent to ridicule the unknown, alas you find truth revealed, realise right, being wrong, you transcended to my reflection through shame

The one way, is your own way you write with your conduct towards others

H-om-e is where I am welcomed, I go where I am welcome, if I welcomed by n-on-e, i will be with n-on-e.

They made judgement by what they saw with their eyes but that is another illusion, a lie.

Look at me, never be sad because of circumstance, truth and love are forever

Buddhism is like sitting yourself inside a box then waiting for it to disappear

You cannot find god within without first finding god within others

Kindness always touches god through the living, follow the path of kindness, you will surely realise the god direct as within

Transcend ego ,reflect outside from within, received only lies from eyes.

True affirmation is made between you and god, affirmation between others is merely mutual under-standing

People grasping at impermanence; wanting more and more, animated vanity, sacrificed to ego; god reflected off the material world

A world of illusion is not to be judged on appearances, in world of impermanence you are anything but circumstance

Life is to be lived in full but with good measure, forget nothing, deal with it as it comes and pay respect to it’s parting

Mankind is crazed with his own representational image, wishes to fashion everything except the burden of his own ego

Offering is rewarded by blessing, not by the massaging of ego

It’s up to you to prove your doubt wrong, until then it’s to be without to be with

Home is inside us when you realise it in each other


Birthday girl *5* today… again!

Thank you so much to my wonderful friend Karen, for being there and caring when nobody else did 🙂

A day trip out in the forest….

As we climbed summit edged onto Gloucestershire surrounding woodland canopy awakened vibrant as sun lowered to rise emerging shadows; darkness enveloped. Between day and night we balanced, rekindled flame, fired warmth from within.

So unused to having kindness in my life did the day feel like a dream.

Birthday Fire

Hergest Owl’s

At the small breeds farm and owl centre in Herefordshire I couldn’t help feeling an overwhelming apathy and sadness, not just at the unfriendly reception at the ticket office but at the sleepless spectacle these nocturnal birds have become in their enclosures; should I have paid the nine pounds entrance fee and took these pictures? would these birds be otherwise dead if I’d of not given money but to whom are we to decree them unworthy of being unable to live naturally, to make an entrance, a return to their natural habitat? but even within this questioning has not my / their own very interest of issue ultimately kept these Owls detained, incarcerated in captivity? This exposure they shun, guiltless yet imprisoned without life; an experience I to have come to know of all to unwell.

Oak, broom and meadowsweet, my namesake…..

Owls are wild creatures they belong in the wild both in life and in death.